Whatever their age, divorce will affect your children. One of your biggest tasks during a divorce is to ensure that your children have the support they need. It is critical to work with an experienced and compassionate Tulsa divorce lawyer. They can help you manage your case and consider alternative ways to divorce, such as mediation. With an attorney’s help, you can minimize the toll that divorce takes on your children’s mental and emotional health, prioritizing their needs above all else.
Kids react in different ways to divorce, and you should let them know that, whatever emotions they are feeling, they are okay and completely normal. In general, it is wise to stay calm during this time and continue providing a sense of stability to your children. There are proven ways to ensure that your child has the support they need during this time so that they may better adjust and cope with their new life.
Respect Their Emotions
It is of paramount importance that your child is heard and listened to during this time. They are most likely feeling a full spectrum of emotions, which can be exhausting and overwhelming for them. You need to let them know that you are listening to and acknowledging what they are going through. Be there to listen to and support them, no matter what.
The emotions of children, especially young children, can be complicated. Changes to their normal routine can cause anger and outbursts. Encourage your children to talk about their emotions with you.
Explain that their feelings aren’t wrong, and you are a safe place to come to with these emotions if your child wants to talk about them. You can also normalize their feelings by explaining that it is perfectly natural to be angry, hurt, and confused during this time.
Understand That Adult Children Need Support, Too
Sometimes, in divorces, all focus is placed on the children still at home, and adult children are not always taken into account. Due to their age, and the fact that they are now–most likely–outside the house, adult children tend to be viewed as being less affected by the divorce than their younger siblings. This is typically not the case. Your adult children need just as much support as the children who are still living under your roof.
There are certain ways to help your adult children through this process. You can support them by:
- Urging everyone to seek counseling
- Acknowledging their emotions
- Keeping them out of any disputes between you and your spouse
- Keeping them out of your dating and sex life
- Not adding pressure over holiday visits
Do Not Speak Badly of Your Co-Parent
Divorces can be emotionally challenging. You are likely feeling angry, hurt, confused, or even guilty. You might be tempted to talk poorly about your co-parent, either to your children directly or in front of them. This is not a wise decision, as it can not only impact your future case for custody, but it can also hurt your children. It is a good idea to keep your emotions to yourself when speaking with your children about your impending divorce.
Stay aware of anything that might make your child feel as though they are being put in the middle between yourself and your spouse. When it is possible, do not ask your children to be a go-between for you and your spouse. Also, avoid asking your children questions about their time and life spent at your co-parent’s house.
Maintain Home Routines
A child’s development is heavily dependent on their own feelings of routine and stability in the home. Even as life throws uncertainties their way–like a divorce–a dependable routine can help your child deal with these issues in a healthier way. It is essential that you continue their home routine as it was before your divorce was announced. Right now, more than ever, your children need a sense of normalcy.
Remind Children That This Isn’t Their Fault
Children can have complex thoughts and feelings. Even if you don’t think that they are blaming themselves for the divorce, there might still be an element of that in their emotions. Younger children are more apt to have confusing feelings, which can turn into self-blame over time. It is important to remind your children–even if they are not mentioning it–that the divorce has nothing to do with them, there is nothing wrong with them, and the divorce is not their fault.
FAQs
Q: How Much Does a Divorce Lawyer Cost in Tulsa?
A: It can be difficult to assign an exact number to how much a divorce lawyer might cost in Tulsa, as the amount is typically dependent on several factors of your unique case. These can include the complexity of your case, the cooperation that your co-parent and their legal team are willing to give, and the overall experience of your attorney.
Q: What Signs Might Indicate That My Child Is Struggling With the Divorce?
A: It is completely normal for your child to struggle with complex emotions once you have announced your impending divorce. Signs that might begin to show are feelings of anger, guilt, or sadness from your child. There may also be behavioral issues or more frequent events of acting out. Your child might begin to withdraw, experience trouble with focusing, or begin to regress in certain developmental ways.
Q: What Should I Do If My Child Is Being Influenced by Negative Comments About Me From the Other Parent?
A: Unfortunately, cases do arise when your co-parent might begin to speak badly about you to your children. When these situations occur, it is important not to take any feelings of hurt, anger, or frustration out on your children. They are simply relaying the message they heard from their other parent. Instead, try to speak with your co-parent in a calm and collected manner, asking them to stop making mean-spirited comments about you to your kids.
Q: How Can I Manage My Own Stress to Better Support My Children?
A: It is important to remember that you can only support others as much as you support yourself. This means that to help your children through your divorce, you need to find outlets that will enable you to manage your own stress first. This can involve:
- Simply eating well and exercising
- Having a group of close adult friends and family you can trust and vent to when needed
- Finding a counselor
- Joining a local divorce group
Contact a Trusted Tulsa Divorce Lawyer Today
As a parent, navigating a divorce is one of the most challenging things you will ever do. There are no easy solutions or quick-fix answers for helping your child cope with this new and sudden change in their life. However, there are things you can do to alleviate the stress and confusing emotions that they are experiencing.
At Stange Law Firm, we understand the complexities of these family law cases. We can be here to support you so that you can, in turn, support your children. Contact our offices to schedule your divorce consultation today.
